NORTH SIOUX CITY, SD — The Trump administration was rocked today by the discovery of what appears to be the first intergalactic space fighter/interceptor at a secret manufacturing operation in North Sioux City, SD. The space interceptor had been wheeled outside for a couple of hours while workers for the manufacturer, Infinite Variety Industries, Inc. could do retooling of equipment used to build the craft.
Infinite Variety Industries, Inc. also manufactures a line of farm equipment and snowmobiles. The plant is located on the grounds of the North Sioux City Airport in an unassuming silver and blue metal building.
A supervisor at the plant who asked that their name not be used due to disclosing privileged information about the president’s new space force confirmed the existence of the space interceptor but added that the craft is only in the early stages of being built.
This reporter was able to get inside the fences of the airfield and move up close to the space interceptor to take a photo. The ship was mounted on a large vertical metal pole which was built into the bed of a GMC logging truck. It had been left unguarded by two security officers who had gone inside the building to watch the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team on television. Unfortunately, this reporter only had time to take one photo with a view from the undercarriage of the craft before one of the guards returned.
As you can see from the photo here it appears the interceptor’s frame has been roughed out along with what looks to be some sort of series of fans or propellers along each side. It is difficult to tell from this angle the exact size or where things like engines or weapons might go.
The source we contacted declined to give us any specifics, other than saying President Trump has given a name to it already. The source was quick to point out that the name of the craft isn’t Trump.
The president was contacted by several reporters at his weekend golf vacation at Mira Lago Country Club in Florida and asked about the space ship. Here is a report of the president’s conversation with the journalists.
“What? A spaceship?” Trump asked. “Is it coming here?”
A reporter for the Associated Press quickly assured him it wasn’t. “The spaceship has been confirmed to be the newest space interceptor for your space force,” the AP reporter added.
“My space farts?” the president asked holding a cupped hand to his ear.
“No, Mr. President, your space force,” a CNN intern reporter said.
“Oh, of course. A space force. Yes, I have one of those. It’s going to be bigger than the U.S. and Canadian Air Forces combined. There’ll be nothing around that can compete with us. It’ll be beautiful. Trust me on that one. So, what do you want to know about my space force?”
Now, his daughter and foreign policy representative, Ivanka Trump jumped in to explain. “No daddy,” Ivanka said, “these folks from the fake news say someone has discovered that space interceptor you’re having built in South Dakota somewhere.”
“They have?” Trump asked. “In South Dakota you say? Isn’t that where they had that apartheid thing going on? There’s no way I’d want to build a spaceship there. Besides, it’s not my style. Too far.”
“Oh daddy, you’re thinking South Africa. These guys are talking about South Dakota. You know, where that really tall senator who looks like a stone statue, John Thune is from. The spaceship or space interceptor is supposedly being built in North Sioux City, South Dakota.”
“Of course, South Dakota, that’s what I said the first time, cupcake. Nothing like the good old South. ‘The South Shall Rise Again!’ is what they say there in Sioux City. So, where’s this manufacturing plant?”
“At an airport. In North Sioux City. South Dakota!” Ivanka and three reporters say in unison.
“Wow! There’s a spaceship at an airport in North Sioux City, South Dakota, huh?” Trump asked. “Was it manned? Where were they from? Were they little green guys? Better round them up and put them in detention somewhere. We can’t have undocumented aliens bringing their spaceship to North Dakota and running around and what not. I mean, we have nuclear missiles up there. We gotta keep those little green bastards away from Grand Forks!”
Finally, the reporter from CBS News tries to redirect Trump. “Sir, somebody found out about it and has actually seen a spaceship or space interceptor. There’s even a photo of the ship. It is being built in North Sioux City, South Dakota by a company called Infinite Variety Industries, Inc. Their manufacturing plant is located at the North Sioux City airport.”
“Well, I guess you’re right, Walter. I think we do have a space interceptor in the early stages of development being built somewhere,” the president admitted. “And you say it’s at the North Sioux City Airport? Where in North Sioux City is that airport? Anyone know?”
“I know father! I know!”
“Okay, Donald Jr. tell us all where it’s at.”
“It’s right out there along Rickenbacker Drive,” the junior Trump said proudly.
“Rickenbacker? Rickenbacker? I know the Rickenbackers. Great family. Fine people. Been friends of the Trumps for years. Why they even have a basketball team named after them. You know, don’t you? They’re from New York and they play in the NBA. A great team! Lovely team! They’re doing really well this year. Should easily make the playoffs. But it’s a long season you know. Anybody know what their record is?
“How about when the Celtics and Sixers come to town? Boy those will be great games. Hard-hitting ones, too. Our team from New York will leave it all on the playing field. With Staubach at quarterback and Mike Tyson as a fullback, ain’t nobody gonna stop them the rest of season.
“Yes, sir. There’ll be some real slobber-knockers, right Ivanka? Junior? Anyone?”