Physician Board Determines Gnome Dumbest Governor; Gives Rep. Chris Karr First-Ever Heinrich Himmler Award

By Gary Dickson, Medical Correspondent

SIOUX FALLS, SD – At its regular quarterly meeting on Tuesday, the South Dakota Medical Forum named current governor, Krispie Gnome as the dumbest governor in state history. The medical group also handed out one other special award to Rep. Chris Karr, R-Sioux Falls naming him the winner of the first-ever Heinrich Himmler Personification of Evil Award.

“We’ve been quietly assessing the governor since she began her first term,” said SDMF president, J. David Upchuck, M.D. of Mobridge. “We believe she has done an exceptional job of showing lack of leadership, making funny noises, and uttering non-sensical statements. Gov. Gnome had some real competition for this designation from Mike Rounds, but she really left him in the dust when it came to dealing with this coronavirus crisis.”

Members of the South Dakota Medical Forum meet earlier this week to discuss the Dumbest Governor and Heinrich Himmler Awards

Upchuck said board members were really awed by Gnome’s inability to decide whether or not she had the power to close businesses, churches, schools, restaurants, bars and casinos down.

“I guess she didn’t want to get her political base – what’s left of it anyway – mad at her,” the SDMF president said. “Of course, she’s pretty good friends with Donald Trump, too, so that may have had something to do with it, which is really dumb if you ask me. Trump is afraid to tell the states to lock things up, right? So, Gnome doesn’t really know what he is signaling to her, so she just sits there, and pushes the decisions on to the state’s mayors. And then she says she doesn’t have the power to close up businesses? What the hell, man? She’s the governor! There’s precedent from 1918! See, she’s gotta be the winner of the dumbest governor in state history, hands down.”

The Himmler Award wasn’t quite as emotionally taxing for the physicians as the Dumbest Governor Award. It was also a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Judith Johnson-Phlegm, D.O. of Mitchell chaired the award committee. “We watched the legislature very closely this year,” Johnson-Phlegm said. “In fact, we weren’t even planning to give out any other awards in 2020. But then along came veto day on March 30th when the lawmakers met to give final approval to bills passed and to override any of the governor’s vetoes. Well, this fellow, Karr, just kind of stood out with his insensitive, lamebrain statements during discussions of the state’s budget problems caused by the coronavirus.

A cheery-looking Rep. Chris Karr R-Sioux Falls happily thinking about the number of South Dakotans who will die of the coronavirus in exchange for improved business conditions in the state.

“He said his biggest concern was making sure South Dakotans stayed healthy. Oh, c’mon, don’t pee on my leg and then tell me its raining. Because the very next thing he says is that the economic impact of this pandemic will far outweigh the health concerns.”

Johnson-Phlegm said she and Dr. Upchuck knew right then they had to form an ad hoc committee to create the award. She said that naming the award the “Heinrich Himmler Personification of Evil Award” was quite fitting due to the statements of Rep. Karr as well as some of his fellow Republican lawmakers.

“We could give that medal to just about all the Republicans in the legislature this session,” Johnson-Phlegm said with a chuckle.

Neither Gnome or Karr was available for comment about their honors at press time.

Both the Dumbest Governor and Heinrich Himmler Personification of Evil Awards will be printed on colored paper and mailed to the recipients. Neither award has monetary value.

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